Dear 1.5 year old,

Stop putting stuff in the garbage!  Seriously.  It’s pissing the rest of the family off.  I don’t know why you think it’s a game.  Trust me: it’s not.  You’re the only one laughing as you run towards the garbage with your toy, my gadgets, your brother’s book, or your mom’s scrapbook supplies.  The rest of us are yelling at you.

Thanks to you, we had to put the garbage in the laundry room and shut the door.  You know how inconvenient that makes cleaning you and your high chair after a meal?  It’s not fun.

Now the whole family is on high alert whenever we hear your feet scampering towards the kitchen.  Please move onto your next phase.  We’re all very tired of this garbage can game you think you’re playing.

Sincerely,

Manly Dad

P.S.  I know you can’t read…you’re only 18 months old.  But someday I’m going to pull this post up for you to remind you how difficult you were as a toddler.

Ever had one of your favorite childhood memories ruined?  It happened to me this weekend.   You see, my brother and I grew up watching the classic G.I. Joe cartoon from the 80′s.  We had most of the action figures (Recondo was my favorite).  My best friend had the aircraft carrier.  We even had a G.I. Joe train set.  Put simply, G.I. Joe was our favorite toy.

Well, I finally rented the new G.I. Joe movie.  Now, I knew the reviews from last summer were bad.  Thus, I had reasonably low expectations going into this.  Somehow, the movie still underperformed.  It was that bad.  Everything sucked: acting, special effects, plot, casting…they all sucked.

What really upsets me is that this could have been a successful reboot of a franchise – - similar to what was done for 007 and Batman.  There was so much potential with the G.I. Joe story, but the film completely dropped the ball.

Do yourself a favor: don’t rent this movie.

Dear Amazon.com,

Thanks.  Thanks a lot.  After carefully setting our Christmas budget with my wife months ago, you decided to email her with a few suggestions.  How did you know that “as someone who has shown interest in toys” that she might want to check out the savings available on Fisher-Price?  Thanks to you, we got click-happy on your site a few nights ago. Now Santa is getting my boys more than they deserve.

Sincerely,

Manly Dad

P.S.  Why couldn’t you send her an email that said something like, “As someone who has shown interest in photography, check out the special savings on Nikon gear and accessories.”?  That’s an email I can support.

Edit: Sorry about that P.S. I talked to my wife about that.  Apparently, she does get those emails about photography and video games…she just doesn’t share them with me.

I went Christmas shopping with the wife last night.  We had a great time, even though we were hurried because the babysitter showed up late.  We made the obligatory stop at Target and got a few stocking stuffers.  Then we headed to Costco.

I love Costco.  It was clearly designed by a man:  TVs, cameras, and computers at the entrance; the token housewares and furniture stuff come next to please the ladies; and then the manly tools.  Of course right in the middle of the warehouse is the family crowd pleaser: books, DVDs, and toys.

The wife and I made a beeline for the toy section.  That’s when I found the toy I always wanted that would be perfect for my four year old:  The Galactic Heroes Millennium Falcon.  I grew up watching the Star Wars movies (the original trilogy, not that crap that Lucas vomited out for Episodes I-III…how do you vomit crap? I don’t know, but Lucas managed to pull it off.).  I collected the action figures as a kid.  My favorite was the snow speeder.  I always wanted an AT-AT and the Milliennium Falcon.

We bought it. I can’t wait to open it watch my son open it on Christmas.

Image source: costco.com